Ellie
Choosing Eva felt natural to me. I had been following her work for many years, and something about the way she photographed births, and the way she met the people in them, really moved me. Her images were honest, intimate and full of emotion. She never tried to make birth look perfect or beautiful in a staged way. She showed it as it truly was, and that meant a lot to me.
I think it came down to wanting to feel cared for, while also wanting to hold on to the memories. I wanted someone with us who could bring a sense of safety, support and calm, and who could also capture what was happening, so we didn’t have to think about a camera or try to remember every little moment ourselves.
My first birth
For my first birth, we were expecting twins. There was so much love, excitement and anticipation around meeting our boys. I wanted to be fully present, and I wanted us to have photographs to look back on afterwards.
I was about to become a mother to our twin boys, Lennox and Henry. We couldn’t wait to meet them, but at just 22 weeks, I gave birth to them: one in the bathroom at home, and one at the hospital.
Their chances of survival were small, but we had hope. Lennox lived for two days, and Henry for three. Eva was with us every step of the way, right up until the day they were cremated, both to support us and to document everything. She had just returned home from a birth in the US, so thankfully she was able to come at short notice. It was only the second time we had met her, yet it felt completely natural to ask her to be the boys’ godmother when the priest came to baptise them.
I had them on my chest while they died, singing “slipping through my fingers”.
They were born alive. We got to meet them, hold them and be their parents. There was so much love in that, in the middle of all the pain.
Having Eva there meant we weren’t left with only fragments of memories from a time that felt completely unreal. She captured our boys, their hands, our closeness, and all the small moments that might have seemed insignificant at the time, but that now mean everything.
I am so grateful that we have photographs of those first days with them. No pictures can make what we went through hurt any less, but they give us something real to return to. They show that Lennox and Henry were here. That they were born, that they were loved, and that they will always be part of our family.
When I look back at the photos, I don’t only see the grief. I see my boys. I see Linn and me as new mothers. I see our love.
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My second birth
For my second birth, Eva was the obvious choice, and I asked her once again to capture the birth of my third son. After a traumatic first birth, where both twins died shortly afterwards, I needed Eva there. I needed her to look after us, and me, and to help me “reclaim” the birth I should have had the first time. I wanted to feel strong and capable, and to capture every moment I was terrified of missing. I truly believe that the good birth we had this time is largely thanks to Birthmood and Eva: her preparation, her presence, and the reassurance she gave me before, during and after a beautiful (but, for me, frightening) birth.
Eva is a warm and inclusive person who never judges anyone. She is safety itself, like a mother.
Today I work as a birth photographer myself, and I know my experiences are a big part of why I do what I do. I know what it feels like to hold photographs of people you miss more than words can explain. And I can also see the strength I had during Bernard’s birth, even though I was scared.
Inviting someone into a birth is an incredibly intimate thing, so chemistry and trust matter enormously. Eva does this beautifully. You barely notice she’s there, until you need her. She sees your needs, often before you do, and she is a wonderful advocate who makes sure you are fully informed and able to give consent every step of the way.
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