Linda and Maurice
A story from a partners perspective
After a conversation between me and my wife, Linda, we agreed to try to start the labour ourselves. She was told that if nothing happened that night she would have to be induced at the hospital the next day so we went home, determined to get started. Linda's dream was a water birth at the midwifery led unit, but her glucose levels were a bit too high, so she had to give birth at the hospital ward.
We knew that Oxytocin was something that helped and would be produced by having a good time. We ordered some nice food and found a good movie and snuggled up to watch. Half way through the movie with some snuggle we decided to take the matter to the bedroom where we proceeded to make….Oxytocin. Returning to our movie Linda said that she now felt something different, the waves came so It worked!
During the pregnancy, Linda’s first and my second time, Linda was very good at prepping. We read books, we saw movies, documentaries and we followed Eva´s Instagram and seeing all kinds of births that way made it so much easier to prepare, and we got excited.
When we arrived at the hospital they told us that Linda was 3-4 cm dilated. Our first midwife was very soft and made a great start for us. Linda felt comfortable as she could be and started to make sure that certain things were in place. Bluetooth speaker connected to a loaded playlist phone: check. Water: check. Husband: check. Midwife: check. Ok, she is ready now she says. Oh wait…our Doula. And only minutes later our doula shows up. The marvelous doula and birth-photographer Eva Rose who just came straight from another birth. We were so ready for her guidance, and also great pictures and movies from the next very important and special hours of our life.
I tried to be in sync with Linda as much as I could and listen to what she needed. Knowing that she could choose to resist my help or embrace it.
I could feel our love and our bond growing as I supported her through pain and uncertainty. The many screams of wanting to poop (how I guess it actually feels to be in a birthing process) and how she made sure everyone in the room was also comfortable. I was so proud and she made me tear up all the time. Her way of coping with the pain put me in awe and her comments made me laugh and smile all the time. We celebrated our love in looks and closeness. I held her hand when she needed me to. I told her the story of the Deathly Hallows when she asked me to.
I comforted her when she needed me to and when she was in pain and asked for an epidural, I stuck to our deal that I would ask her if she could hold on a little longer. Our deal was to use a safeword, popcorn, when she really meant it and surpassed her pain limit. And after several hours she screamed popcorn mid wave and looked me deep in the eyes and said with a demonlike voice “POP EFFING CORN”. So we called for some pain relief.
After the epidural was set, everything calmed down and we all went to sleep for some hours.
We changed the playlist to wake up and change the energy. Eva helped with many different exercises to help Marley (our baby’s name) down the birth canal. Dancing, shaking, laughter and tears. I helped her as much as I could. Constantly feeding her positive vibes by telling her how I felt. That I was proud, that she was doing great and answering her questions. She was very vocal all the way. We also had a focus thing we did. She started it and I followed up. She would be almost out of bounds in pain and then she would find my eyes and lock in and say “hi…hi… I love you. I’m doing this. The pain is so insane, but I’m doing this”! Almost as a “radio check in” she would tell me how she was doing, ask me how I was doing…I mean…come on.
I’m tearing up just thinking about her heart in all this. Anyway, I picked up on this and when she was in so much pain that I could see she was kinda searching for some kind of focus point I waited until I saw her eyes and I would say “hi…hi…I love you..I am so proud of you…you are doing this” and she would find my focus and the whole world seemed to disappear and it was just us as time stood still. “Hi..I am right here with you. Right here. I am so proud of you and I love you so much”. It was truly magical to be allowed in like that and that she shared those moments with me I think will stay with us forever. The bond was so strong.
Gallery
Linda needed Eva to breathe with her through all the waves, and they had such a special bond, when the adrenaline kicked in the shivers came, Eva laid down in her bed holding her, breathing together and it stopped. She has a gift making everyone feel calm, safe and loved.
Nightfall came and Marley had reached the end of his strenuous journey. He was now at the bottom and had the last bit to go. At this point Linda had been in labour for over 20 hours and was fully dilated for 6 hours. It became a very medical birth, far from what we wanted, but Linda was heard and respected all along and Eva made sure that we got all the pros and cons for each procedure.
Maria made sure everything with Marley was going well and while Linda prepared for the last push I did my best to support her in every way I could. The last hour of the labour was upon us, we had no idea of course but the activity in the room began to grow with people and Maria told us that they were considering helping Marley the last bit of the way. This sparked something in Linda and kinda told me with her eyes saying “no way! I did not come this far to give up now. I’m pushing this baby out myself, and so she did!
We could hear the excitement from the doctor and the midwives telling her she was doing a great job. And then, the top of the head emerged. Maria looked at Linda and said “you can feel the top of his head if you reach down”. Linda spontaneously responded “yuck, no way” but then immediately turned to me and asked “should I?” followed by “I want to… God, what am I saying of course I want to”. I just smiled at her as she felt our baby’s head for the first time. Her eyes opened up and got all teary as she cryspoke to me “oh my god, I can feel him. He is right there”. Of course, I cried too and nodded to her. Ok, let’s meet him.
I reached behind me and clicked the already set up phone dialling her mother who had asked constantly how we were doing. She was silently listening to everything from there on out via speaker phone, she thanked me later with a five minute hug and a warm heartfelt thank you for including me.
Linda signalled another push and all of a sudden looked at me and cried “I think he is out” and within seconds we saw Marley coming towards us like a superman! I was crying all the time and I felt the relief washing over me and our 26 hours of labour had resulted in a beautiful baby boy. “oh my god honey, we have a baby”. Yet another golden line from my superwoman of a wife. I was so proud of her and Marley was such a beautiful boy and the moment where it was all three of us….that first moment. The whole world around us felt like it disappeared and it was just us, just the three of us right there and then.